AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Kelsea Ballerini is embracing getting older.
KELSEA BALLERINI: The hottest thing to me, the thing that appeals to me the most in life, is growth.
RASCOE: The country music artist turned 30 last year - a milestone birthday that prompted some self-analysis.
BALLERINI: I really wanted to look up and examine my life. What am I proud of? What do I love? What's bothering me? And once you do that for yourself, then you kind of are challenged to do that with all of your closest relationships, whether it be in your family or your friends or your partner. And there's so much growth in that.
RASCOE: Kelsea Ballerini's reflections have crystallized into a new album. It's called "Patterns."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PATTERNS")
BALLERINI: (Singing) It's in my generations, it's in my constellations. Moon and Saturn, ooh, they're rolling through my bloodstream. I'm coming apart at the seams. I got patterns.
I think it's my discovery of what adult love is. Having to really examine myself and the patterns that I bring into relationships, and the ones that don't serve me and haven't in the past, and how to break those. And then also challenging the person across from me and holding the line for myself of, you know, this is what I bring to the table, and this is what I hope to accept in return.
RASCOE: When you sat down to write this album, were you thinking that this is what you wanted to reflect on?
BALLERINI: Honestly, for every record I've ever made, I never go into it thinking of a theme or a title or anything like that. I think that if I can freely write for a good chunk of time, like six months, and find, what is the theme that's already been written, without me chasing it down, that feels more honest, you know? And the first few songs that we had were "Sorry Mom" and "Two Things." You know, I didn't know that the whole album fit that theme until it presented itself to me.
RASCOE: You also talk about family relations, and you mentioned "Sorry Mom." And let's play a little bit.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SORRY MOM")
BALLERINI: (Singing) Sorry, Mom, I smelled like cigarettes. And my eyes were casa red, with a pounding in my head. Showing up again on Sunday morning. You just made the eggs and turned your head. Sorry, Mom, you know that I had sex before I bought the white dress. I know you're not impressed with my lack of sticking to the Bible. Yeah, I got regrets, but you did your best. I turned out all right.
RASCOE: A lot of people don't necessarily think to apologize to their parents for things they've done 'til they're much older, or sometimes they never get to do it, you know, until it's too late and their parents are gone. What moved you to do this now?
BALLERINI: I've always had a really beautiful relationship with my mom. I'm lucky in that way. But I think over the last couple of years, our relationship has really shifted from mother-daughter to woman to woman. In that, I've been able to open up and have these just human conversations with her.
The heart of the song isn't even necessarily about apologizing. It's about respecting the journey that's gotten us to this place in our relationship, and going, hey, Mama. You know what? I know that I've probably made some choices in my life that you wish that you could have protected me and shielded me from. But, at the end of the day, I've become a woman that you're proud of. I'm just - I'm grateful for this phase of our relationship.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SORRY MOM")
BALLERINI: (Singing) And I turned out all right, so you can sleep good at night. Maybe I ran all the red lights.
RASCOE: How did your mom react when she heard this song?
BALLERINI: She loves it. You know, her first reaction, she listened to it and said, Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. And I think that, to me, was an unexpected pillar moment of our - you know, of our relationship now.
RASCOE: When did you start to think of music as, like, this vehicle of expression for you? Was it when you were, like, in high school or when you were younger?
BALLERINI: My parents got divorced when I was 12, and I'm an only child, and so I think I had all these really big feelings and I didn't know where to put them. And, like, I grew up loving music. It became a safe place and a friend and a therapist. And it's been that ever since, whether I'm bookmarking a really celebratory, fun, mountaintop moment in life, or I'm down bad. Like, that's always been where I've turned to. And I think I'll always try to protect that about it.
(SOUNDBITE OF KELSEA BALLERINI'S "COWBOYS CRY TOO (WITH NOAH KAHAN)")
RASCOE: I want to talk to you about your song "Cowboys Cry Too." Noah Kahan is featured on it.
BALLERINI: Yay.
RASCOE: Often, so many men will feel like they can't cry. What made you want to write about that and to sing about that?
BALLERINI: Because I was realizing, as I was taking that inventory of my life, that I'm very lucky to have men in my life who are very emotionally vulnerable. Whether it be my dad, or the people that I've gotten to work with and collaborate with, or my partner, or men in my life that I not only can cry to and feel safe with, but also can be the person that allows them to cry and get it all out. And the song is really just about celebrating those people in my life.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "COWBOYS CRY TOO (WITH NOAH KAHAN)")
BALLERINI: (Singing) Cowboys cry too. They may not let them fall down in their hometown, thinking they still got [expletive] to prove. That well runs deep. But when he's showing his skin, letting me in, that's when he's toughest to me. I never knew cowboys cry too.
NOAH KAHAN: (Singing) I grew up wishing I could close off the way my dad did.
BALLERINI: And then bringing Noah Kahan onto it, saying, this is what I've experienced being in a culture that really says, you know, saddle-up and be a man, but this is actually how I feel. And I'm forever grateful that he went there. He really did. That verse he wrote and brought it into the studio, and I was just floored, and so grateful that he added what he did to it.
KELSEA BALLERINI AND NOAH KAHAN: (Singing) Don't want to bare teeth, but don't want to look weak. It's a tough spot. I'm afraid you'll walk away when the tears start running.
RASCOE: This album really centers on your lived experience. Is there something that you want listeners to think about or take from this about their own patterns in their life?
BALLERINI: This album, I really do feel like there's something for every season of life. And so, no matter what anyone's going through, I hope they find a song that they can project onto their own life, and not only relate to it, but feel it like it's theirs.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
RASCOE: That's country musician Kelsea Ballerini. She has a new album out. It's called "Patterns." Thank you so much for joining us.
BALLERINI: Thank you so much. Good to talk to you.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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